| Funeral & Memorial Services |
| The Setting In planning a memorial service, you will probably want to decide whether a formal service reflects the personality of the deceased more than an informal one. Logically someone involved in a church, synagogue, or mosque will hold their service at that location. Some alternative venues can be garnered from knowledge of the deceased, increasing the chances of holding the memorial service at a location appropriately personal and meaningful. |
| Choosing the Type of Service If there are no religious edicts, you may want to pick a theme of remembrance exemplifying the deceased. Will he be remembered most for his civic activity or his wild ties and the story behind each? Will she be remembered for her gardens and charity work or her practical jokes? Are there favorite readings of the deceased? Bible verses or Zen philosophy? Poetry? Did the deceased leave writings, maybe instructional or inspirational letters a relative has saved? You could ask friends and relatives to write up a favorite memory to read aloud or to be read. Sometimes blank paper is handed out at a viewing or visitation for mourners to write their favorite trait or story of the deceased. Having those vignettes in writing will mean a lot to a surviving spouse or off-spring after the service, perhaps giving them a glimpse into the loved ones work, or hobby activities. Some families may decide to print a formal program for the service, listing their loved ones personal info plus music to be played and the readings to be given, but it is not necessary. |
| Music Beginning the service with music and ending the service with music creates natural "bookends" for the event. The universal language of music can be calming, healing, or unifying as people gather, whether played by community musicians or made available on CD. In this age of personalization, anything goes—jazz, a Bach organ concerto, a New Age harp. |
| Photographs and Memory Books pictures displayed at memorial for tearful family and friends as they reminisced . You might want to ask friends and relatives to contribute photos, clippings, awards, or other special mementos that can be assembled in a memory book for the surviving spouse or family. |
| Flowers & Floral Preferences one idea a family had was to use potted chrysanthemums to decorate the church. The pots were offered to special friends and relatives to take with them after the service."What will happen to the flowers after the service?", is always a consideration. |
| Refreshments Sharing food during a bereavement gathering remains a popular practice. The ladies of the church put on a huge pot-luck supper in the town hall after one resident's memorial service. But it might be as supplied by the family at an "Open House" at home or as fancy as a reception at the local inn. "a cocktail party" |
| Memorial Notice With a mobile and dispersed society, friends and relatives are likely to be scattered far and wide. They may never see the obituary in a local paper and may not be able to attend the memorial or funeral service. One creative woman used her mother's Christmas card list, and sent out a notice of her mother's death. Written as a tribute to her mother, she listed some of her mother's remarkable traits and accomplishments. It ended with suggestions for memorial donations, to causes that her mother supported—peace, the arts, and education. This sort of card can be easily put together on a home computer or copied at a local copy shop, including a picture if one is wanted. A wide choice of nice paper in many colors is available. |
| Planning a Funeral or Memorial Service A "funeral" service is with the body present and is usually planned within a few days of death, sometimes in great haste. A "memorial" service (without the body) can be delayed as long as you want, to meet the convenience or needs of the family. Scheduling the event in two or three weeks lets out of town guests more time to make arrangements for attendance. By not feeling pressured to have a service right away, there is time for thoughtful planning. Multiple services may be appropriate in some situations. A simple graveside service for the immediate family at the cemetery followed by a public memorial service for community and friends. (See: U.S. Traditions) Religious Considerations Many funeral services may be dictated by one's religion. If the deceased belongs to a church, you will need to contact the church for possible recommendations regarding their specific practices and availability to perform a funeral service or memorial service. A memorial mass is even now acceptable to the Catholic church. (See: Religious Traditions) |
| Things to Consider to Meet Your Choices, and Needs *Location of Service(s) *Officiant, or clergy to lead the services *Gathering Information for obituary *Picture, or pictures of deceased, along with any religious or fraternity items to be displayed. *Private or Public Ceremonies, family viewing vs visitation. *Pallbearers Selection *Special Acknowledgement of Family Members *Floral Preferences *Readings for the Service, and who will be reading them. *Special Requests or Prayers *Transportation for immediate family, clergy, pallbearers, and funeral coach. *Memorial registery, along with a folder to hold information, and acknowledgement Cards while not mandatory, it is hard to remember everyone who was there and the kindnesses they may have offered that a thank you note is appropriate. |
| Choice of Closed or Open Casket Closed Religious reasons Circumstances of death Car accidents etc. Open Preferences of burial clothing Make up Jewelry, and will jewelry remain or be returned to family Special Items, may be decided ahead of time, (such as flower or rosary) but usually left by loved ones according to their most treasured memories. Things that CANNOT be preplanned: Ambulance transfer from place of death Application of death certificate Application for burial permit (if needed) Setting a time and date for service Request preparation and embalming Complete composition or submission of obituary |
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| Funeral Planning |
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| Do you have questions or comments? You can email us directly or choose from a variety of ways to contact The Funeral Source |
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Where to Send any Memorials
Perhaps the deceased was involved with a civic organization, or had hospice care
near the end of their life and would like to give back something to those who shared
values, enriched their lives, or eased their burden near the end.
Perhaps the deceased was involved with a civic organization, or had hospice care
near the end of their life and would like to give back something to those who shared
values, enriched their lives, or eased their burden near the end.
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